Methinks

Sadness is like a crash course in psychology.
- enjoy it while it lasts.

Let The Sun Shine

I've been feeling a little down the last couple of weeks, but today I was standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking out, and suddenly I felt the few rays of sunshine outside reflect the rays of hope I've been hoping to see for the past couple of days.

The thing about me feeling bad is that I always have to remind myself of just how bad it can get - which is easy - but also how good it can be - which is harder, because if you're sad, feeling happy is such a surreal thing to think of.

So after - stupidly - hoping that shadow in my head would leave on its own for a couple of days, I kind of got out of my own body yesterday, looked at the situation, and just thought: "So what? Are you gonna keep analysing that bad feeling or are you going to do something about it?".
Then I remind myself that giving up - well, giving in - is not really an option and that helps immensely.

Another huge step towards feeling better is acceptance. I've really accepted now that this feeling I sometimes get is something I have to live with, maybe for the rest of my life, but I also realized that that's okay, because I'm stronger than my own mind.

So I'll go out into the world and feel the positivity about everything good that happens to me, and I'll stop thinking in worst case scenarios.

Always remember: Your pain can only hurt you as long as you don't say: stop. This is mine. My decision and actions are what count. And I'm going to win.

POSITIVITY! YAY! (:

"Claire" and "Peter" are dunzo ):

Heroes' Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have split up.
Which I guess confirms that Panettiere is leaving the show.

I wouldn't want to be in the writer's position, I have to admit.
Killing off the female main character, who just so happens to be an ass kicking, re-gen Cheerleader?
That's gonna be a challenge!

Thursday Miracle

I am not a very believing person. I guess you could say I'm an Atheist. I believe in Evolution, Science, you know, the boring stuff.

So, I'm doing pretty good these days, you know, emotion-wise. I'd actually say I'm doing great. I'm at a great place in my life: my friends are lovely, hilarious and rising in numbers, because of all the great people I'm meeting in my new age-group level (is that the word?); my family is awesome, and I'm about to see my aunt, uncle and cousins again, which is always great; I'm closer to a very important person in my life than I think I've ever been before - mainly doing lazy stuff, but doing on a level that is so beautiful and relieving and inspiring beyond words.

But for a long time there's been that issue about how I might not finish my driver's license in time, and might have to start from the beginning, which would disappoint some people a lot. Hell, it would disappoint me.

So imagine the little bundle of joy building up inside me when just half an hour ago I found out that I do not have to get my license finished by the end of February - I've got time 'til June.

And I'm not planning on slacking, but this is the most relieving feeling ever.

And something like this, having a burden taken off me that has been standing in the way of all things good for a long time, makes me wonder if, maybe, there is someone there.
You know, as in, somewhere, somehow, there's someone looking out for me.

And to that person, or being, whatcha might call it, I just want to say:

thank you thank you thank you

"Helping those in need's my job"

Spike: [as Rachel] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike: [as Angel] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. And now, I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair. Never the hair.
Spike: [as Rachel] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
Spike: [as Angel] No, helping those in need's my job, and workin' up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
Spike: [as Rachel] I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
[gasps]
Spike: [as Angel] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.

Spring already?

The first blossom buds are starting to show in front of my window. The air is crispy, and the sky is blue I can almost hear the birds sing.

I do love winter, but there is nothing better than seeing the Earth come to life again!

Why am I in such a constant pursuit of approval?

Is it because I am not happy with myself? Because I thought that I'd grown beyond this need to have people nod at what I do, or write, or say.
Still, I can't really get the thought out of my head that people have to agree with what I do.
I couldn't tell you exactly who these people are (I've been at home with a mean cold the entire week, so there's really nobody around), but whatever I did these past couple of days, I feel it has to be signed.
I disgust myself a little bit with these thoughts, and I want to yell at myself for not being independent enough.
For now, it's okay to justify this with my high fever, but I am already worried about feeling this way when I am doing better (physically).

Nothing left to grit my teeth, butch up, stop complaining and look for the nice things, huh? (: