Is it because I am not happy with myself? Because I thought that I'd grown beyond this need to have people nod at what I do, or write, or say.
Still, I can't really get the thought out of my head that people have to agree with what I do.
I couldn't tell you exactly who these people are (I've been at home with a mean cold the entire week, so there's really nobody around), but whatever I did these past couple of days, I feel it has to be signed.
I disgust myself a little bit with these thoughts, and I want to yell at myself for not being independent enough.
For now, it's okay to justify this with my high fever, but I am already worried about feeling this way when I am doing better (physically).
Nothing left to grit my teeth, butch up, stop complaining and look for the nice things, huh? (:
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2 Kommentare:
Hey Poppanna,
very interesting post indeed!
Let me tell you from my perspective. First, you need to know: You are not alone. I participated in a seminar recently where I met quite some people who like to be approved. Actually, we were collecting people's ideas of values and it turned out that many of them regarded approval specifically as such one value. People want to to be recognised. We, i.e. humans, are sociable beings. We live on feedback as we do on food and Guinness. So relax, you are not suffering from a disease. You are probably very normal.
The second thought - from your post I feel that you feel a bit unhappy with this need. And maybe here is the clue. Let's face it, approval is great. We all want to be loved, we want people to cheer for us and hail us. But keep in mind that there are many different people out there. One will cheer for blue, another one for red. So, which colour do you want to be? You cannot be at two places at the same time. Simply ask yourself: What would you cheer for? This might give you a hint what is really important for your life. And then you will know in which direction to head. If people don't like that - their problem. In the end they will probably admire you for being such a focused and well defined character.
If you are insecure about the direction you might want to chose, ask yourself a couple of questions, like:
With whom do I love to spend time?
Why is that?
What is so special about that person?
Does this person have or do something that might work for you as well?
You can ask yourself as well, which people you don't like. And why? Is it because they have/do something that you still want to achieve? Or do they have traits that you dislike.
Sometimes I think it is a valid and not so bad idea to think about the traits of other people if we find it difficult to have a closer look at ourselves.
Maybe it helps.
Bless you and be well!
Ronin (your fan)
Argh, I *so* know what you mean. Feel the same way too, and still I don't have answers.
Perhaps it really won't matter whether other people like or accept you when you *really* deeply like and accept yourself.
Be sweet with yourself (and hope by this time you feel better!)
*hug*
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